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So tomorrow, well, technically today (its currently 4am) I am going to visit my grandmother.  I haven’t seen her in almost 2 years.  The last time I saw her was at my grandpa’s funeral.  I know, I know.  I am a HORRIBLE person.  It really depresses me that I’ve allowed it to be this long since i’ve seen her.  She doesn’t live that far away.  There have been numerous times that my dad has offered to drive me out there.  I just always had some horseshit excuse as to why I couldn’t go.  It just really makes me mad at myself because I know there are plenty of people out there who don’t have grandparents to visit.  Or any family for that matter.  I need to learn to not take for granted what I have in life.  Sorry for the rambling…. but I just suggest if any of you haven’t seen a family member, or friend perhaps, for awhile either that you get to it.  As depressing as it is, you never know how long they’re going to be around.  You have to take every opportunity you can to spend time with those you love.

There is a particular kind of pain, elation, loneliness, and terror involved in this kind of madness. When you’re high it’s tremendous. The ideas and feelings are fast and frequent like shooting stars…But, somewhere, this changes. The fast ideas are far too fast, and there are far too many; overwhelming confusion replaces clarity. Everything previously moving with the grain is now against — you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable…It will never end, for madness carves its own reality.
Kay Jamison
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